International Women’s Day Reflection
As an expat wife and mother in the 1990’s
On International Women’s Day, I feel there is much to highlight and celebrate. In saying this, I acknowledge there is still much to be done, particularly in places where a patriarchal stranglehold continues to suffocate women’s potential. I also acknowledge that there are many layers of opportunity afforded to me that are non-existent in many other places around the world and also in places much closer to home.
Over my own lifespan, I have seen and experienced enormous shifts in the empowerment of women. My own beautiful mother, once married and very soon pregnant with her first child in 1960, was told she was no longer able to participate in the paid workforce. She loved her work and asked if an exception could be made. She received the following response: “you can stay on until you show and then you’ll have to go”. Women were subtly conditioned to believe there simply were not enough opportunities to go around and they needed to step aside. My mother’s ‘place’ was at home, ably provided for by her new husband. And so it was. She raised a large family and did an amazing job of it. In a quietly dignified and determined manner, she brought us up with great care and I thank and applaud her. I am a better person because of her dedication.
There were no other choices available to my mother because women of her generation were not encouraged to have other aspirations outside of marriage and family. Such days of male-dictated domesticity are largely behind us here in Australia. Women’s participation in the workforce has risen dramatically over the ensuing decades and this is a great thing. As someone once said, it is very hard to have power and influence in the world while your hands are in the kitchen sink or reaching up to the clothes line.
By the time I was married in the late 1980’s, I didn’t have to leave my job however there was still a strong and largely unspoken assumption that the hands-on care of the family was my responsibility. As a teacher (traditionally lowly paid and overwhelmingly female), my income didn’t stand a chance against that of my husband working in financial markets (traditionally highly paid and overwhelmingly male). Systemic structures were firmly in place to ensure I was not the main breadwinner. Further structural paradigms meant that if we wanted to get ahead, I had to be the one who stepped back and stayed close to home. On a personal level, this meant keeping my ambition firmly in check. I was very aware of the paradox. So fortunate to be able to have a family and bring them up on one hand, frustrated by the limitations that had been imposed on me on the other. I felt thwarted, however it made me even more determined to seek and maintain meaningful work outside of the home alongside my parental responsibilities.
And so it was. I have worked and studied my entire adult life, weaving it between raising three daughters with my equally hard working and driven husband. Over two decades of my employment was tempered and indeed hampered by my need to be readily available to a growing family. On call, free throughout the school holidays, no travel to take me far from home, part-time if at all possible so that I could make it all work. With absolutely no family support in the state where I lived, the caring ‘buck’ stopped with me. Any intrinsic desire I had to succeed professionally stood in direct opposition to my responsibilities on the home front. I look back on those intense years now and realise I just put my head down and got on with things but it was an enormous juggling act for much of the time. On reflection, I am proud of my strength of will and desire to carve out what I needed to feel whole.
It is only now, with the family raised and fully independent, that I am reaching my full potential professionally. I am surging ahead and loving it but I am also very aware of the rather late start and the limited window of time now available for me to do my very best work. A woman recently asked me why I was so driven, given many women of my age are now “winding down and thinking of retirement”. I simply said “Well, this is the very first chance I’ve had to fully grasp something and run with it. I am now finally free to grab every opportunity that comes my way with both hands.” My response was met with some puzzlement. Our circumstances are different and this perspective was new to her but it is my reality and the reality of so many women.
The generation of my own daughters is of course different again. I see them focus on their own self development and clearly articulate what they want and need. I see them move relentlessly forward to achieve goals and at the same time, question and work to dismantle archaic barriers that stand in their way. I see them determined to find meaningful work that contributes to a strong sense of self and to the wider world. Not tomorrow, not when society provides an opportune window, but right now. None of this is easy but women finding and raising their voices is becoming widespread and powerful and thankfully there’s no turning back. I stand with them in this and am excited by what I see.
In doing all that I do, I hope to inspire other women so that they too go out and find ways to engage in meaningful work no matter what stage they are at. We women have a fabulous opportunity to encourage and support one another in this regard. I envisage a virtuous circle of encouragement, hopefully leading to widespread collaboration that ripples out in ever widening circles.
On this International Women’s Day, I am endlessly grateful to the woman who raised me and to the women who support me. Without a shred of competition, they show a genuine interest, regularly check in on me and cheer me on. It makes a huge difference and I really try to reciprocate this and pay it forward. May we all recognise our capacity to be each other’s best advocates despite the barriers placed in our way.
Heliotropia – Turn Towards The Sun